So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
