Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
