my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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