textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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