i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
