I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize