U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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