I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
