I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
