I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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