I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
