i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
