So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
