I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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