Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
