So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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