if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize