Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
