so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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