one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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