fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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