I just saw a hot homeless man
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
