I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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