Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The power of my boobs compel you
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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