this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So. Much. Porn.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
