Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
