I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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