the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
