I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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