Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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