We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
