saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
