I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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