I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
