No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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