So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
