Define "chronic" masturbator.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
