awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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