he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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