I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
