tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wish my penis had a tongue
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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