I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
don't judge my taste in strippers
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
