I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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