You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
