She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
