How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
