I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
