you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just found puke in my bra..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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