Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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