literally had 100 drinks last night.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
