Porn is love you can see.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
