How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
