I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
