Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
