My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just google imaged poop.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
