high people should be assigned attendants
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
