I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
