Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize