pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
