The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize