He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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