My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
