I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
