Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
