And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
