Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize