Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
