rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
