i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
