i just made my gag reflex go away.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
