Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
