Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
