We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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