The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
