But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
oh god the rape fog is back!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
