He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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