He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
