Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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