dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
