oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't turn off my feet"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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