Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
