K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
