Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
