hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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