my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize