Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
