Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
