I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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