i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
