She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
