I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
