My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
