He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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