She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
