The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
