she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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