Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
