It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
