What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
