You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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